All I can say is that it's bad timing in all honesty. "Guard your heart," the mind says. But I let it loose and foolishly thought that I had finally found that little bit of happiness I deserved.
But no, I guess I was never made for happier things. I guess I took months to slowly crawl out of my hole onto the road of recovery, but went back to square one in just a matter of days.
My mind is still in a mess. Have been indeed riding some hellava emotional roller coaster ride these past few months.
Sometimes, I lay in bed with my eyes closed, praying hard that I'll wake up to something new, something better and to a merrier me. But mostly what I get, is that same bitterness and self-reminder of my inadequacy everything I jolt awake in the mornings.
I'm tired of crying. Tired of waiting for everything to get better.
If anything, I'm sorry for not trying. It has been a tough ride, but I don't ever think I will get over this mistake of mine.
So much regrets this 2015.
After all that has happened these past few months, I guess I crave the comfort and content knowing that I will be in a better place someday. To sleep with a calm mind and peaceful heart; that's all I ask of to cross over to the new year.
2015 - you cannot get any worse than this.
